Dude looks like a lady...
When I was in high school (and let's be honest, well beyond those years) I was terrified of any event that would have me in a fancy gown. I believe the phrase that resonates was, "I feel like a horse dressed up for a parade."
A good portion of that distaste was probably due to the fact that I didn't really have any idea on how to do my hair, or makeup, or a knowledge of the fact that eyebrows need plucking (regularly, not just every now and again), or any indication that those things would do me any good, ever. I felt weird being dressed like a lady, because I was rocking a pretty mannish look.
I had a few brief years in my mid-twenties, my self-described "priss" years, when I tried (with little success) to pull off the lady look (hey, we're all trying to get laid), and again, felt like I was lying to the world about my true nature. So, I went back to my world of few showers, and half-assed attempts at hairdos and makeup, which again, has only ever felt marginally successful. I mean, if you look like a manchild (I would like to thank an old boyfriend of mine who told me that when I pulled my hair back I looked like Marlon Brando, and not the sexy, young Marlon Brando, but old, fat, gross Marlon Brando for this particular bit of self-loathing) what good does it ultimately do to add a little mascara? I mean, I managed to wrangle a husband, so being a lady isn't that important, right?
Then I cut my hair. Off. Like WAAAAY off. And not like that time when I let Vegor cut my hair with the clippers (God, what a horrible, horrible time that was), but in a short little adorable pixie cut. And guess what? I look like an em-effing lady! I kind of don't know what to do with myself. I feel prissy and pretty and like a damn girl. I have been thinking about moving into a world where high-heels are a regular feature. I eat my food in tiny bites. I think I might even have a little bit (a teensytinsyweebit) of grace. Who knew? Samson is my antihero. I'm thinking of career paths where being a lady is encouraged. Basically, I don't know what to do with myself. So, ladies, what is it exactly that I'm supposed to do?
